It's not a bad job, but it seems to keep me from the life I truly want; working evenings when my husband is home, working mornings when my husband gets to sleep in and wishes we could have a breakfast together, and with spring approaching, I wonder how on earth I will keep the weeds at bay this year! The primary reason I have for staying at this job is the income. My husband loves his job, but despite that his employer pays fairly well for his career, well, I'll just say it barely covers the bills. So I work so we can have at least some savings (though meager), and cover the bills not covered by his income. Now that a pay raise seems even more out of reach for DH (his employer is having money woes), I am wondering if I will ever get to leave this "temp job" for something I would really love.
It's easy to say "do what you love, and the money will follow," but it's hard to live when you see the bills coming in and the money going out, feeling like there's no getting ahead. I used to not know what I wanted to do in life, but since getting married, I've known at least part of it. I want to work part time, or work from home, or not have a "job" at all. I know that sounds lazy, but I'm far lazier working full time away from home. Why? Standing eight hours on my feet, answering interesting questions from customers, hearing them describe in detail their grandiose homes and signing away hundreds of dollars for frivolous things I can only dream of just drains me completely. I wake up dreading to go, doing my best to smile and make my job fun, and then wanting nothing more than to be off of my feet once I get home (not conducive to getting the dishes or laundry done, let alone organizing and putting things away). We're discussing having children someday, and trying soon, and I know I cannot work this job full time and pay for child care. I wish I could figure out a way to escape this life, but looking at our finances, there's very little we can save more money on, and few jobs will offer the income I am currently making.
I hope one day to live this dream that currently drives me. To be home long enough every day to transform it into a place I love to be in, to have enough money to afford to fix it up without worrying about not saving for our future, to be out in the garden in the spring, growing some of our food, sewing my own clothes and making things last as long as possible. Until then, I'm just dreaming, wishing we could make it on only one income, or I could find something to make up for what I bring in now.
I hope that you are getting to live your dream, whatever it may be, and not just dreaming.
